Long time no blog sweet peeps! These past couple months have been a literal whirlwind. So many emotions felt, memories made, and goodbyes said – and with that the Class of 2018 has officially graduated. The past four years feel like a blur of uncontainable happiness, belly laughs, stress-filled tears, and friends who have turned into family along the way. College is the most wonderful adventure I have experienced thus far, and I cannot begin to explain the amount of independence, humility, and firmness I have learned without even realizing it. College encourages you to test your limits, build your authenticity, and eventually, after four (or 5) memorable years, college leaves you better than it found you.

But – the thought that haunts us all is “Now What?” We are living in a constant state of uncertainty. As soon as we were getting the hang of this college thing its time to leave and move onto the next chapter of our lives – adult world. YIKES….Bills, insurance, 401Ks. Some of us are lucky and have jobs months in advance, but others (like me) lived in sheer panic for a solid two months – scrambling all over LinkedIn, Glassdoor, and Indeed – trying, begging, and searching for a job. For me, I had high hopes – I had hopes for THE first job of all first jobs. I wanted to feel like I belonged there. I wanted to feel like all of my hard work was recognized and my education was being put to proper use. I wanted a job where I would wake up excited every morning to take on the days new challenges, and not grow weary of my tasks.

I prayed and prayed for a door to be opened, and was soon offered a job with a wonderful company, but in my heart of hearts I knew I would not be content taking it. The minute the offer was extended I felt uneasy and overcome with stress. I prayed hard for discernment in making a decision and decided, after a crazy amount of prayer and worrisome tears, to deny the offer and continue my search. I saw each of my friends land their dream first jobs, and there I was – stuck. Stuck on job search queries and stuck in a whirlwind of self inflicted stress when all I had to do was wait and see. Wait and see what God had in store for me. Wait and see what victory, truth, love, and success lied in the beauty of waiting and listening to the Lord and taking action towards where He guides.

About 1 month passed where everyday I was a ball of stress; everyday I woke up high strung feeling as if at any moment everything I was juggling would all come tumbling down. I was doing so many things that I had stopped doing those things well. I was struggling with upholding the intentionality I had tried so hard to maintain, I was struggling with finding happiness in the small moments of being a senior in college, I was struggling to find a healthy balance between wedding planning, school, internship, the post-grad job hunt, and a healthy amount of sleep. I had ultimately lost sight of who really was in control, God. I was trying to act like I knew what I was doing. I became stubborn and impatient while waiting for Him to uncover His plans for my future career, but every single route I pursued without prayer and patience ended with a crushed heart.

Finally, one day, I received an email from a literal D R E A M company asking to interview me for a job my Professor so persistently and intentionally recommended me for. Of course I said yes and in that moment peace entered my heart. The juggling stopped and my stress was eased, if only for a matter of moments.

I still laugh at myself today as I juggle wedding planning among other things claiming I am still just as stressed as before, but why? Why should I be so stressed when the Maker and Creator of the Universe is rooting for me day in and day out?

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we doubt The Lord? Why do we stress about things and events that The Lord has already predetermined for us? Why is it so hard to trust Him with our whole heart?  –  When we know that the Lord, Our God, will always work things out for the good of those who love Him.

I don’t know about y’all, but I can tell when I start to trek off the beating path. I can tell when I lose my way, and my eyes drift away from my walk with the Lord and my heart starts pursuing the things of this world.

Ecclesiastes 11: 5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”

BUT – I can tell you from experience that staying in obedience to the Lord and His will for my life has been the most beautiful, riveting, and eye-opening experience I have ever encountered. I know that landing my dream job after college may seem so minuscule in grand scheme of things, but to me I recognize that The Lord has hand picked me to enter into this walk of life, and that everything in my life has led up to these next few moments, and that every moment that passes I build my testimony up to glorify the Lord bit by bit and piece by piece.

In my time of self-struggle and stress-induced sleepless nights I discovered a book titled “Wait & See” my eyes were locked as my heart found peace in just the mere words “Wait and See.” I have been reading little snippets here and there, and encourage all of you – as you encounter the selfish impatience, frustration, and curiosity that comes along with being a human to pick up this book and understand that The Lord has already predetermined your steps and that when you feel weak He is strong.

As my girl, Wendy Pope puts it: “Find Peace in God’s Pauses and Plans.”

xoxo,

Lex